So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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