My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
