No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
