I can text with my tongue
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i've created a new STD.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize