somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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