if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
