I'm going to jail i love you
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
