I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
