TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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