The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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