Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
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There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
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I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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