Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
