Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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