you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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