We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
