I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
