don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
