I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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