How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
