Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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