Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
