She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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