I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dicks are not precious.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
