bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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