"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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