i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
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She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?