I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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