Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.