3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21