After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
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i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
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he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?