I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
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malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
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some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla