I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
