Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.

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(813): I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching. http://tfl.nu/tbhw

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(518): View more from New York

I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.

(612): View more from Minnesota

May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.

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(518): I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day. (612): May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees. http://tfl.nu/b9l3

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(818): View more from California

my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you

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(818): my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you http://tfl.nu/x2i9

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.

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(732): I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame. http://tfl.nu/b4iy

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(602): View more from Arizona

my dad is going to jail this weekend

(1-602): View more from Arizona

where are we going to get our weed from?

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(602): my dad is going to jail this weekend (1-602): where are we going to get our weed from? http://tfl.nu/lw00

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(856): View more from New Jersey

It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.

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(856): It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk. http://tfl.nu/u52z

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(203): View more from Connecticut

you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

(508): View more from Massachusetts

what was i wearing?

(203): View more from Connecticut

nothing

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(203): you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress' (508): what was i wearing? (203): nothing http://tfl.nu/2bg6

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(775): View more from Nevada

Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.

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(775): Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/8nek

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(815): View more from Illinois

it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..

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(815): it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching.. http://tfl.nu/6kt4

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(530): View more from California

Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts

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(530): Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts http://tfl.nu/nvqd

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(732): View more from New Jersey

That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.

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(732): That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS. http://tfl.nu/7vfy

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(602): View more from Arizona

Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?

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(602): Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again? http://tfl.nu/01x5

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(937): View more from Ohio

Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.

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(937): Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it. http://tfl.nu/m5np

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(408): View more from California

Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape

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(408): Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape http://tfl.nu/uzlj

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(707): View more from California

Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.

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(707): Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty. http://tfl.nu/vu49

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