if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
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The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
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Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.