Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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