apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
I have to watch that.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?