I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
