He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
