I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
