just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize