I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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