sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize