he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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