thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
