she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize