goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
