Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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