After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
