god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
These tits shall not be calmed
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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