I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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