Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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