End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
