I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
