I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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