corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
