hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
