I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
