Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
