Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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