Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
