whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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