my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
