Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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