I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
