I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
