Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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