Can i not drive my cunt home
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
3pm strippers are depressing
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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