when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
